Fuck you, still here.

Police Teeth's Ride Over Nordland -- SF in December, 2009!

Dude, we're huge in the Bay Area. For serious. When we finally get around to recording our live album (working titles: "Live at Dudokan," "Unleashed in the Least," "Inferior Versions of Songs You Already Own," "Plays to an Audience!"), it will likely be taped at thee Parkside, the Hemlock, the Elbo Room, or the fabulous Pittsburgh's Pub down the street from Richard Necklace's swank pad by the ocean.

We love the Bay Area.

So when our buddy Conan Neutron (of Replicator / Mount Vicious infamy) asked us to come down and play his birthday show, we were on it like a pitbull on a mailman's leg.

And since we're lugging our wares ("wares" here is a euphemism for "asses," dig) all the way from the dank wilds of the Northwest, we opted to rustle up a second show with some of our favorite bands to round out the weekend.

Here are the details:

* Saturday, December 5 -- Conan's Birthday Party, with Police Teeth, the Turks, Hurry Up Shotgun, and a killer guest @ the Lobot Gallery (West Oakland -- www.lobotgallery.com).

* Sunday, December 6 -- Generalissimo, Police Teeth, and Truxton @ Kimo's (SF -- www.kimosbarsf.com).

We'll all be in town by Friday evening, so try to hunt us down that night for a ration of hijinx (last trip to SF saw us running around the streets in various stages of undress, eating your pizza, drinking your beer, hondo-ing at your neighbors, and generally being mild nuisances to the arbiters of good taste).

Kick it or stick it -- the choice is yours!

I was a punk rock also-ran: cautionary tales from an old washed up band dude Vol. 1: the myth of the "Killer Opening Slot."

So, since we just played our final Northwest show of the year tonight (we have two pending Bay Area shows slated for December), and there really won't be too much to share in Police Teeth land for quite a while (we're planning on recording album number three in April 2010. Now you know as much as we do.) we can use this blog for other things. Such as this:

When we were finishing up mixing Real Size Monster Series, I had this exchange with Conrad Uno:

Conrad: I think this is going to be a really good record. Too bad it's probably going to be your last.
Me: What?
Conrad: Well, the lyrics sound like you guys are really down on the industry.
Richy: Well, if by the industry, you mean "life."

Of course couple that with The Stranger's review of that record, penned by Teh Grandyz, and it's pretty easy to see how one could get the impression that we're a bunch of sourpusses that hate fun. And we're not, really. We all really enjoy playing music in general, and playing in this band in particular. It's just that we've been around the block a couple times. It gets pointed out to me quite a bit that it's dumb for someone who's 28 to feel "old." I know I'm not old, but I've been going to shows since the early 90's and playing in bands for nearly as long. I love this shit, and I'm going to keep doing it forever, but certain things get tedious, and some things lose their luster pretty quick.

And I'm a rap at you about one of those things right now:

A lot of folks younger or less experienced than I think that landing the "killer opening slot" is a shortcut to becoming popular. Oh, man! We're going to play with [insert band here] and they're going to watch us and they're going to be so stoked on us! And we're going to shotgun beers and become Facebook friends and we're going to trade merch! And they're totally going to ask us to do the whole West Coast with them next year, and...

STOP IT. STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT.

If you're really lucky you'll get to split a game of Arkanoid with Damian from Fucked Up and he'll share an anecdote with you about touring China and covering "Smells Like Teen Spirit" in Beijing. Or the dude from the Bouncing Souls will compliment you on your stage banter and help you move your guitar amp. Or you'll get to politely ask Eddie Vedder to move out of the way because he's leaning on your bass cabinets.

That's usually as good as it gets. The dudes in these bands will see in the neighborhood of 1oo bands on their current tour. They think that your band is a bunch of chill bros and they might actually think you're pretty good, but do you think that they're going to remember your band when they get home? Even if they do remember your band, chances are that they confused your name with the even shittier local band that played first that night.

"But," you'll say "we'll get to play for all those people!" Uh yeah. Good luck with that. First of all, you know who's in the club at 8:30 pm on a Wednesday? Fuckin' nobody. It's hard enough to get your friends out on a Saturday night at 11:00 when the cover is half as much. And the hardcore fans of the headliner that you're trying to convert? They're at the bar. As far as they're concerned, you are a barrier between them and what they actually came to see. I know what you're thinking: "the reason you can't win them over is because you suck!" Yeah, you're right, but they won't actually leave the bar long enough to have an informed opinion on your suckage. As far as I can tell, the difference between opening a big show and playing for the 30 people who are actually willing to brave the showroom and headlining one of the hole in the wall bars on a Friday night for 30 people is that the 30 people in the little tiny place are actually interested in seeing you.

As far as I'm concerned, the best reason to take one of these opening slots is this: to get to see a band you really like for free. Tonight, I got to see New Model Army for free, and they were fucking great. I would have paid to see them, but I've had a rough last few months. Opening for them was the best way to go to the show without having to eat three meals of ramen a day for the rest of the week. I got to see Fucked Up for free this past spring. And got a free case of beer, too. The playing music part is just what I did instead of coming up with $15. It's analogous to having to wash dishes at the restaurant when they bring you your check and you realize that you left your credit card at home.

I don't want to sound like an ingrate. I actually appreciate the opportunities we've gotten, and we're probably going to open some bigger shows after we start playing again next year. This is just something Chris and I were talking about on the way home, and I wanted to get it down while it was still fresh (also note that I'm not bitching about the show we played tonight. Aside from a few little things, it was great. It was just the catalyst that got my wheels turning on this topic.)

So dudes in bands. No more of this "Dude, if we play this show, we're going to start doing so much better!" talk. Knock it off. It's a dream they sell to children. Enjoy your free tickets and your flat of Pabst. If you want to grow your audience, keep playing the hole in the wall with the band that's doing just a little bit better than you are.

Police Teeth: 2009 Season Finale.

Friday October 2nd @ Jinx Art Space, Bellingham WA.
Police Teeth
Generalissimo
Ovipositor
All-Ages, Free.

We have a new jam called "Public Defender" that we're going to debut at this show. James sings and plays bass.

Saturday October 3rd @ Slim's Last Chance, Seattle WA.

The DT's
Generalissimo
Ovipositor
Police Teeth
21+, Somewhere between $5-8.

Wednesday October 7 @ El Corazon, Seattle WA.

New Model Army
Meisce
Police Teeth
The Estranged

All Ages $12 ADV $15 DOS

New Model Army are one of my favorite bands, and among the best punk bands the UK produced in the 80's and one of the few bands from that era that are still active today and that are still releasing good records. It's an honor to be on the bill with them. You have no idea how stoked we are on this.

We had practice today. It felt good. Most of our gear works, and we still remember how to play most of our songs. The next time we see you after these shows, we'll have even more new jams and god willing, renewed enthusiasm and power. Here's to 2010.

A Message From Bradley R. Weissenberger.

Bradley R. Weissenberger, a very funny man, once said this:

"Note to bands: please don't tell me that you are on a break. You are either still together (and I can anticipate/dread future shows and records from you at some point) or you have broken up.

"On a break" is a great example of band hubris. "Hey! We're not doing anything at all! This is what we're telling you, so make note of it! Pay attention to the fact that we are doing nothing at all!"

So, yeah. We're not "on a break," we're actually very busy. Writing, demoing, rehearsing, playing with other groups, working, living, but we're not booking any shows. We have a small handful of shows in October, and there's a quick trip to the Bay Area (where we are actually much more popular than we are in Seattle, ha!) planned for December, and then well, nothing. And it feels good.

We're going to be writing and rehearsing for a new album that we hope to record early next year. I think it's going to be quite a bit different than our last two. I think the live show is going to change quite a bit as well.

So, we're going to need some time to figure all that out. We would love to play with your band or at your club, but now's not a good time, sorry. Unless we've already talked to you about a certain date, all booking requests are going to be politely declined until further notice.

You can anticipate/dread future shows from us in the Spring of 2010, with a new record to follow a few months after that. Until then, you may anticipate/dread future shows by Police Teeth affiliated groups such as Cold Lake, Diet Christ, Crucial Point, Rhine Of Bro, and the Sharon Stone Filmography. At least 60% of those bands are real.

all the best,
James/Police Teeth

Sorry we forgot to update this thing.

Come to these shows that we are playing.

Fuckin' Totally is on the backburner for now. Writing for Awesomer Than The Devil is going much more quickly, so that's going to be recorded/coming out first. We've got about 6 or 7 songs written and a few more in the works. Hopefuly we can record early next near.
More upcoming shows:

8/27 Seattle, WA @ Funhouse w/ The Bismarck, IfIHadAHiFi
8/29 Seattle, WA @ Greenhouse (Carousel Festival)
9/18 Seattle, WA @ Sunset w/ Whoremoans, Victory Smokes, High Class Wreckage

California round-up: Modesto.

So we left. Brian didn't leave enough food for his cat, so we had to drive all the way to SF before heading to Modesto. Couple that with traffic and we were running hell of late.

We arrive at the Queen Bean in Modesto, and we're running late. For some reason, they decided to hold the whole show up waiting for us, even though Police Teeth and Mount Vicious aren't playing until later on in the evening.

The show is at a coffee shop's outdoor patio. There's no cover, but you have to buy one beverage before advancing to the show area. Clever!

The first two acts are a young lady singing Cranberries covers over her keyboard (not hating, jut not my scene) and a group of several teenage kids playing smooth jazz (again, not hating). There's like, all kinds of little kids and old people running around and shit.

Turd, meet punchbowl.

We set up. Don't even try fucking with my amp, use Alli's. Plug in, play a couple stray chords to test settings.

We're told to turn down. We turn down.

We're told to turn down again. We turn down.

The master volume is on 1.

Can you turn down some more?

We start playing. It's not the usual set we do, but a couple songs in, we get our bearings and build up some momentum. And then we get cut off. Local band Anthem needs our time to play the same set they play every week to the same people they play to every week. I mean, it's not like we drove from, say, Seattle or anything.

I don't like to get in the habit of talking trash about the bands we play with, so I'll just say this: If you like authentic blues, you'll love Blueshammer.

Mount Vicious played last. It was a great triumphant punk rock fuck you. I wish we had the balls to play the set they did. They are told to turn down. They pretend to turn down and just keep playing. Towards the end of "The Long Walk," Conan climbs up on the tent structure covering the patio and hangs upside down from it, Instrument steez.

Did I mention that there were like, a dozen folks walking round wearing "SECURITY" shirts? One of them walks to the power and threatens to cut the power. Right now, I would suggest that you go over to the Mount Vicious MySpace and cue up "The Long Walk" to get the full affect.

Conan climbs down and bellows the song's "We shall overcome" coda while pointing his finger at the "SECURITY" lady. She slowly backs away from the power and stares Conan down with her arms crossed while he finishes the songs, staring right back at her.

Shit like this doesn't happen at "good" shows, which makes it all kind of worth it.

Somehow, we still pull in a decent haul from merch. We stop at In N Out burger on the way back to SF to celebrate.

Chris from the EA forums took a couple of pictures at this show. Check them out here.