Police Teeth's Ride Over Nordland -- SF in December, 2009!

Dude, we're huge in the Bay Area. For serious. When we finally get around to recording our live album (working titles: "Live at Dudokan," "Unleashed in the Least," "Inferior Versions of Songs You Already Own," "Plays to an Audience!"), it will likely be taped at thee Parkside, the Hemlock, the Elbo Room, or the fabulous Pittsburgh's Pub down the street from Richard Necklace's swank pad by the ocean.

We love the Bay Area.

So when our buddy Conan Neutron (of Replicator / Mount Vicious infamy) asked us to come down and play his birthday show, we were on it like a pitbull on a mailman's leg.

And since we're lugging our wares ("wares" here is a euphemism for "asses," dig) all the way from the dank wilds of the Northwest, we opted to rustle up a second show with some of our favorite bands to round out the weekend.

Here are the details:

* Saturday, December 5 -- Conan's Birthday Party, with Police Teeth, the Turks, Hurry Up Shotgun, and a killer guest @ the Lobot Gallery (West Oakland -- www.lobotgallery.com).

* Sunday, December 6 -- Generalissimo, Police Teeth, and Truxton @ Kimo's (SF -- www.kimosbarsf.com).

We'll all be in town by Friday evening, so try to hunt us down that night for a ration of hijinx (last trip to SF saw us running around the streets in various stages of undress, eating your pizza, drinking your beer, hondo-ing at your neighbors, and generally being mild nuisances to the arbiters of good taste).

Kick it or stick it -- the choice is yours!

I was a punk rock also-ran: cautionary tales from an old washed up band dude Vol. 1: the myth of the "Killer Opening Slot."

So, since we just played our final Northwest show of the year tonight (we have two pending Bay Area shows slated for December), and there really won't be too much to share in Police Teeth land for quite a while (we're planning on recording album number three in April 2010. Now you know as much as we do.) we can use this blog for other things. Such as this:

When we were finishing up mixing Real Size Monster Series, I had this exchange with Conrad Uno:

Conrad: I think this is going to be a really good record. Too bad it's probably going to be your last.
Me: What?
Conrad: Well, the lyrics sound like you guys are really down on the industry.
Richy: Well, if by the industry, you mean "life."

Of course couple that with The Stranger's review of that record, penned by Teh Grandyz, and it's pretty easy to see how one could get the impression that we're a bunch of sourpusses that hate fun. And we're not, really. We all really enjoy playing music in general, and playing in this band in particular. It's just that we've been around the block a couple times. It gets pointed out to me quite a bit that it's dumb for someone who's 28 to feel "old." I know I'm not old, but I've been going to shows since the early 90's and playing in bands for nearly as long. I love this shit, and I'm going to keep doing it forever, but certain things get tedious, and some things lose their luster pretty quick.

And I'm a rap at you about one of those things right now:

A lot of folks younger or less experienced than I think that landing the "killer opening slot" is a shortcut to becoming popular. Oh, man! We're going to play with [insert band here] and they're going to watch us and they're going to be so stoked on us! And we're going to shotgun beers and become Facebook friends and we're going to trade merch! And they're totally going to ask us to do the whole West Coast with them next year, and...

STOP IT. STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT.

If you're really lucky you'll get to split a game of Arkanoid with Damian from Fucked Up and he'll share an anecdote with you about touring China and covering "Smells Like Teen Spirit" in Beijing. Or the dude from the Bouncing Souls will compliment you on your stage banter and help you move your guitar amp. Or you'll get to politely ask Eddie Vedder to move out of the way because he's leaning on your bass cabinets.

That's usually as good as it gets. The dudes in these bands will see in the neighborhood of 1oo bands on their current tour. They think that your band is a bunch of chill bros and they might actually think you're pretty good, but do you think that they're going to remember your band when they get home? Even if they do remember your band, chances are that they confused your name with the even shittier local band that played first that night.

"But," you'll say "we'll get to play for all those people!" Uh yeah. Good luck with that. First of all, you know who's in the club at 8:30 pm on a Wednesday? Fuckin' nobody. It's hard enough to get your friends out on a Saturday night at 11:00 when the cover is half as much. And the hardcore fans of the headliner that you're trying to convert? They're at the bar. As far as they're concerned, you are a barrier between them and what they actually came to see. I know what you're thinking: "the reason you can't win them over is because you suck!" Yeah, you're right, but they won't actually leave the bar long enough to have an informed opinion on your suckage. As far as I can tell, the difference between opening a big show and playing for the 30 people who are actually willing to brave the showroom and headlining one of the hole in the wall bars on a Friday night for 30 people is that the 30 people in the little tiny place are actually interested in seeing you.

As far as I'm concerned, the best reason to take one of these opening slots is this: to get to see a band you really like for free. Tonight, I got to see New Model Army for free, and they were fucking great. I would have paid to see them, but I've had a rough last few months. Opening for them was the best way to go to the show without having to eat three meals of ramen a day for the rest of the week. I got to see Fucked Up for free this past spring. And got a free case of beer, too. The playing music part is just what I did instead of coming up with $15. It's analogous to having to wash dishes at the restaurant when they bring you your check and you realize that you left your credit card at home.

I don't want to sound like an ingrate. I actually appreciate the opportunities we've gotten, and we're probably going to open some bigger shows after we start playing again next year. This is just something Chris and I were talking about on the way home, and I wanted to get it down while it was still fresh (also note that I'm not bitching about the show we played tonight. Aside from a few little things, it was great. It was just the catalyst that got my wheels turning on this topic.)

So dudes in bands. No more of this "Dude, if we play this show, we're going to start doing so much better!" talk. Knock it off. It's a dream they sell to children. Enjoy your free tickets and your flat of Pabst. If you want to grow your audience, keep playing the hole in the wall with the band that's doing just a little bit better than you are.

Police Teeth: 2009 Season Finale.

Friday October 2nd @ Jinx Art Space, Bellingham WA.
Police Teeth
Generalissimo
Ovipositor
All-Ages, Free.

We have a new jam called "Public Defender" that we're going to debut at this show. James sings and plays bass.

Saturday October 3rd @ Slim's Last Chance, Seattle WA.

The DT's
Generalissimo
Ovipositor
Police Teeth
21+, Somewhere between $5-8.

Wednesday October 7 @ El Corazon, Seattle WA.

New Model Army
Meisce
Police Teeth
The Estranged

All Ages $12 ADV $15 DOS

New Model Army are one of my favorite bands, and among the best punk bands the UK produced in the 80's and one of the few bands from that era that are still active today and that are still releasing good records. It's an honor to be on the bill with them. You have no idea how stoked we are on this.

We had practice today. It felt good. Most of our gear works, and we still remember how to play most of our songs. The next time we see you after these shows, we'll have even more new jams and god willing, renewed enthusiasm and power. Here's to 2010.

A Message From Bradley R. Weissenberger.

Bradley R. Weissenberger, a very funny man, once said this:

"Note to bands: please don't tell me that you are on a break. You are either still together (and I can anticipate/dread future shows and records from you at some point) or you have broken up.

"On a break" is a great example of band hubris. "Hey! We're not doing anything at all! This is what we're telling you, so make note of it! Pay attention to the fact that we are doing nothing at all!"

So, yeah. We're not "on a break," we're actually very busy. Writing, demoing, rehearsing, playing with other groups, working, living, but we're not booking any shows. We have a small handful of shows in October, and there's a quick trip to the Bay Area (where we are actually much more popular than we are in Seattle, ha!) planned for December, and then well, nothing. And it feels good.

We're going to be writing and rehearsing for a new album that we hope to record early next year. I think it's going to be quite a bit different than our last two. I think the live show is going to change quite a bit as well.

So, we're going to need some time to figure all that out. We would love to play with your band or at your club, but now's not a good time, sorry. Unless we've already talked to you about a certain date, all booking requests are going to be politely declined until further notice.

You can anticipate/dread future shows from us in the Spring of 2010, with a new record to follow a few months after that. Until then, you may anticipate/dread future shows by Police Teeth affiliated groups such as Cold Lake, Diet Christ, Crucial Point, Rhine Of Bro, and the Sharon Stone Filmography. At least 60% of those bands are real.

all the best,
James/Police Teeth

Sorry we forgot to update this thing.

Come to these shows that we are playing.

Fuckin' Totally is on the backburner for now. Writing for Awesomer Than The Devil is going much more quickly, so that's going to be recorded/coming out first. We've got about 6 or 7 songs written and a few more in the works. Hopefuly we can record early next near.
More upcoming shows:

8/27 Seattle, WA @ Funhouse w/ The Bismarck, IfIHadAHiFi
8/29 Seattle, WA @ Greenhouse (Carousel Festival)
9/18 Seattle, WA @ Sunset w/ Whoremoans, Victory Smokes, High Class Wreckage

California round-up: Modesto.

So we left. Brian didn't leave enough food for his cat, so we had to drive all the way to SF before heading to Modesto. Couple that with traffic and we were running hell of late.

We arrive at the Queen Bean in Modesto, and we're running late. For some reason, they decided to hold the whole show up waiting for us, even though Police Teeth and Mount Vicious aren't playing until later on in the evening.

The show is at a coffee shop's outdoor patio. There's no cover, but you have to buy one beverage before advancing to the show area. Clever!

The first two acts are a young lady singing Cranberries covers over her keyboard (not hating, jut not my scene) and a group of several teenage kids playing smooth jazz (again, not hating). There's like, all kinds of little kids and old people running around and shit.

Turd, meet punchbowl.

We set up. Don't even try fucking with my amp, use Alli's. Plug in, play a couple stray chords to test settings.

We're told to turn down. We turn down.

We're told to turn down again. We turn down.

The master volume is on 1.

Can you turn down some more?

We start playing. It's not the usual set we do, but a couple songs in, we get our bearings and build up some momentum. And then we get cut off. Local band Anthem needs our time to play the same set they play every week to the same people they play to every week. I mean, it's not like we drove from, say, Seattle or anything.

I don't like to get in the habit of talking trash about the bands we play with, so I'll just say this: If you like authentic blues, you'll love Blueshammer.

Mount Vicious played last. It was a great triumphant punk rock fuck you. I wish we had the balls to play the set they did. They are told to turn down. They pretend to turn down and just keep playing. Towards the end of "The Long Walk," Conan climbs up on the tent structure covering the patio and hangs upside down from it, Instrument steez.

Did I mention that there were like, a dozen folks walking round wearing "SECURITY" shirts? One of them walks to the power and threatens to cut the power. Right now, I would suggest that you go over to the Mount Vicious MySpace and cue up "The Long Walk" to get the full affect.

Conan climbs down and bellows the song's "We shall overcome" coda while pointing his finger at the "SECURITY" lady. She slowly backs away from the power and stares Conan down with her arms crossed while he finishes the songs, staring right back at her.

Shit like this doesn't happen at "good" shows, which makes it all kind of worth it.

Somehow, we still pull in a decent haul from merch. We stop at In N Out burger on the way back to SF to celebrate.

Chris from the EA forums took a couple of pictures at this show. Check them out here.

California round-up: Eureka.

We played some shows. They were pretty rad.

We started driving at 7 p.m. Thursday night. Wound up at a Motel 6 in Eugene, OR around midnight. Watched some Adult Swim, crashed out. Halfway through the night, a bug or a spider or some shit flew into my mouth and I couldn't sleep anymore.

Friday, we turned up in Eureka, CA. The Lil Red Lion is the kind of place that has shotgun shells and used rubbers strewn across the parking lot, and a sign in the toilet letting you know that you're being videotaped. I chose to shit at the Burger King instead.

Mount Vicious play first. Consummate showmen, I'll tell you what. I don't remember most of what they played that night. I polished off my drink tickets before they even started. That's how rock and roll I am, dude. But they were great. Fantastic band.

We play next, and my amp shits the bed before song number one. I am pissed. Alli of Mount Vicious subs hers in and I start twisting knobs in between songs until it sounds right. I keep forgetting how loud those little Fender DeVille things are. Technical difficulties aside, we put on the best fucking rock show all eight of those people in Eureka have ever seen, and we finish it off with a twelve minute version of "Watching The Hydroplanes," in which I play guitar on top of the bar and get pelted with lemon wedges by the bartender. I'm still not sure if he was doing it in rock and roll fun or if it was because he wanted me to get off the fucking bar. Adam would have gotten in more trouble anyway for crowd surfing onto the pool table.



The Zygoats played last. I forget most of it. I was drunk. Cool dudes, though.

Richy and Alli posed as a couple and rented us a room at the Econolodge a block away. They woke up a very grumpy hotel manager with a very thick accent.

"Yeah, we need a room. But we hate each other, so we need two separate beds."
"I no care, asshole. Meh. Check out time is 11, asshole."

The room, of course, is right above the manager's. I don't think we made a very good impression.





We tried to break into the swimming pool. No dice. Brian, Necklace, Alli, and I went to Taco Bell instead.

"Hello?"
"Hey James, this is Adam. Can you get me two 7 Layers?"
"Um, okay."

(click)

(ring)

"Hello?"
"Hey James, this is Chris. Can you get me a cheese quesadilla?"
"Okay."

(click)

(ring)

"Hello?"
"Hey James, this is Andre. Can you get me a chicken quesadilla?"
"Sure."

(click)

(ring)

"Yeah?"
"Hey James, can you--"

(click.)

The next morning we packed our vans back up. I was supposed to sleep in the van, but Dre was sleeping on top of of my keys and cell phone. 'tevs.

Motel manager was staring at us, as we packed the van. I bet he was thinking something like.

"Ach. You fahging asshole guys! I rent room to two assholes, and I see eight asshole guys and one malnutritioned little girl. Fahging bastard guys! Meh!"

Richy goes into the office, throws the key card on the table, and says "Thanks, dude!" Points to a stack of newspapers and asks "Complimentary?" before taking one. Big, huge, brass balls.

(more to come.)

"Hellovent" = Hell Of Relevant.

That's a new slang term that was invented the last time we played the Sunset. So, here's a bunch of shit that's hellovent right now:

We're getting in the van and doing four dates in Northern California: get into it.











John Graham wrote a nice little thing in the SF Weekly here.

Sorry about neglecting the quality jams. Here are the quality jams:

I'm gonna mispronounce your name all night

So we had ourselves a little weekend trip during the last weekend in April, the 24th and the 25th. This is notable as the first trip we've done that involved two since not in either Seattle or Bellingham.

The morning of Friday the 24th awoke with us finding out that we were actually confirmed for a show at Ray's Golden Lion. We were planning on being in the Tri-Cities anyway that evening to break up the drive to Missoula and stay with Adam's mom.

When we got to Ray's, we found out we were playing with five other metal bands. We sucked it up and asked to play first, as we were pretty sure the kids there wouldn't be too into our post-working class punk. One of the aforementioned metal bands was kind enough to lend me a bass cab, as I hadn't brought one on this trip to size constraints in the van.

Our set went surprisingly well though. We tore through songs from Real Size, two planned for Fuckin' Totally, and our cover of "Watching the Hydroplanes" that is fast becoming our "Won't Get Fooled Again"/"Sister Ray"/"Diamond Sea". People seemed to like it. Enough that Greg McBride was able to sell some CD's for us.

The rest of the night was spent watching the other bands and drinking to celebrate Richy's birthday eve.

The next day, Adam's mom prepared us a delicious breakfast, we stopped at Adam's dad's and said hello, and then made our way to Missoula. Missoula has always been very good to us, so we were very stoked to be back for the first time in a year-and-a-half.

We got to town and bit early, stopped at the always excellent Ear Candy, then made our way to our friends Ben and Darcy's house for some grubage.

Since it was Richy's birthday, I had asked Ben and Darcy to help me make it special for Mr. Birthday Boyer. They did not disapoint:



After some awesome food, we headed over to the Palace for the night's show with the Victory Smokes and Places.

We had some minor snafus during load-in. Hoight from the Smokes had given us a key card so we could use the elevator. But, there was another code that had to be entered that we kind of blew. James ended up being stuck in an elevator for several minutes while we tried to get everything figured out:



Eventually, we got all the gear down the elevator and waited for the show to start.

The Smokes kicked off the night, and were great as usual, even with some gear issues. Pat may be the most joyful looking drummer EVER. We played pretty well, and got a Missoula-worthy reception from the audience. Ben took the photos below:








Places headlined, and were great as well. Turns out two of the members of son's of Missoula legend Checkers, whom we'd been told to say hi to by some guy on teh internetz.

After the show, we went back to Ben and Darcy's, drank more, ate pizza, and eventually went to sleep.

The next day, we gave ourselves some more time to enjoy Missoula, including a round of sandwiches at the Staggering Ox. Then we made the long drive home.

Of course, a long drive in the van will instill a certain amount of madness. We were no exception, especially since our van is pretty cramped, and we don't have the ability to zone out on the road that we used to have. Suffice to say, things got a little silly, and I made a few videos to document things:







Suffice to say, we had a great, great time on this trip. We all agreed this was about the most fun any of us had had playing out of town shows in a long time.

Next up is our N. CA tour with Mount Fucking Vicious over Memorial Day weekend. Saying we are excited for this trip is putting it far, far too lightly. The MV folks are some of the nicest/funniest people we've had the pleasure of rocking with, and we can't wait to urinate in their beds. Or maybe that's just me. The full dates are on our 'space.

Doggs...

Get into it.

(If you live or happen to be in Missoula that is.)

I can't promise that we'll literally destroy the stage this time, but we'll do our best to throw down.

We played some shows. (OR, expectations are a motherfucker.)

Yeah. So on Wednesday, we played with Fucked Up at Neumo's. It was weird. I really liked playing at Neumo's, all the folks there are rad, but there was just this weird vibe/energy hanging over the show. Like, a thick black cloud of exhaustion and dread. (EDIT: this was probably just me. I am weird.) I think hell of folks were expecting the show to do much better than it did, but there were 75 tickets pre-sold for a venue that holds 800. Eventually about 200 folks trickled in, and it felt almost full with the mezzanine closed off and the main floor cut in half, but at 9:30 we played to about 30 people scowling at us, waiting for Fucked Up to come on, waiting for us to finish.

It is difficult to rock under such circumstances. More accurately, it is frustrating to try to rock an audience that flat out refuses to be rocked. Why not just stay home and watch Lost? Apparently our frustration and uncomfortableness showed as Teh Grandyz panned our performance over at Teh Line Outz. The crowd got riled up a little bit for Fucked Up, but it wasn't the full-scale riot I was hoping for from watching them on YouTube. I guess that's a Wednesday in Seattle for you. Somehow, we still managed to sell 6 CDs. Weird.

Brittany Bush took some pictures and has some nice words about the show over here. I'm glad at least someone liked it!

The Sunset was much better. We were sloppy as hell, but all we aspire to be is as good as the Replacements on a good night. It was a triumphant, defiant, confident sloppy. Viking funeral steez. Or something. Highlights include throwing a boxes worth of tampons at the Bismarck when they requested "something to stop the bleeding," and me requesting that someone send Eric Grandy a text saying that we were much better tonight than on Wednesday, and then looking over my shoulder and seeing Seattle Weekly music columnist Hannah Levin doing exactly that. Score one for the Gipper. Or Something.

Jams:

We'll see you in Missoula on Saturday, April 25.

We'll be back in Seattle for an early show at the Sunset on Saturday, May 2 with Born Anchors. It'll also be broadcast on KEXP.

Upcoming release schedule

12.01.09 Fuckin' Totally (CD-EP)
07.13.10 Awesomer Than The Devil (3rd full length)
09.13.11 Sturm Und Drang Forever (4th full length)
11.29.11 Police Teeth's Greatest Hits (2xlp + data cd. Each side programmed by a different band member. Data CD includes MP3s of commentary tracks by the band that you can sync up with each album)
02.28.12 Plays For An Audience (live album. Recorded over three consecutive nights at the Sunset Tavern during the summer of 2011.)
09.04.12 Fuck You, Still Here (5th full length)
01.28.14 Get Off My Lawn (6th full length)
10.28.14 Fuckin' Totally Volume 2 (CD-EP)

We're playing a show with one of our favorite bands.

Pretty rad.


Here: More jams.

Are we a punk band?

I've noticed that when others are discussing our band and our music, the "p" word is dropped quite often. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way offended or perturbed by this, whatsoever. I grew up with with punk rock, and it has either saved or ruined my life depending on how I'm feeling that day. As a band, I think Police Teeth are definitely inspired by punk, but not necessarily of it. Also, if we ever shared a bill with bands with mohawks and bondage pants and shit, they'd tell us to "get off the stage, pussies" while pelting us with bottles.

I digress.

Real Size Monster Series is out, and so far the response has been great. You should be able to purchase it at Everyday Music in Bellingham and at Sonic Boom and Easy Street in Seattle. If you don't live in either of those places, you should PayPal us some money, because my hunch tells me that Touch And Go didn't open the package Blood City sent them looking for a distro deal. Bummer.

We played some shows last weekend.

Friday at the Sunset was great. Not a blockbuster by any means, but the people who did show up were great. A lot of unfamiliar faces, which means that a lot of folks there were probably checking us out for the first time, and judging by how many CDs Nate Bismarck sold at our merch table, I think we left a good impression. Score one for the 'Teeth. Arbitron rocked out some fierce electro-damaged AmRep noise, and we will probably never tire of playing with The Bismarck.

Saturday was at the Cabin Tavern in Bellingham where rock shows have been happening more frequently. It's fun when rock shows happen at non-rock bars so's you can watch the reactions of confused WWU brahs and Vietnam vets. We played Tunnelvision's "Watching The Hydroplanes" at this one, which is slowly but surely becoming a staple, and I wouldn't be surprised if we recorded it at some point. Black Eyes rule, the Russians rule. You already knew that.

Sunday was at the Old Foundry in Bellingham again. We thought an all-ages show on a Sunday would be a bust. Yeah, we were wrong. It was fun playing with Octagon Control again. I really like those guys. Singer dude referred to his sunglasses as his "hipster costume." I told him that it was real "authentic" and "meaningful" and "us AltBros have to stick together." Hee! No Screamers cover this time. Transmography were hell of dank, and the Marmits were at once uplifting and disturbing.

We're going on tour! Well, as close to tour as dudes with grown-up jobs, kids, and serious relationships can get. We're doing northern California and the Bay Area in May with Mount Vicious, and probably the Midwest (MPLS, MKE, CHI, and uh, Bloomington) in September. Both are going to be quick four and five day stints. Have you ever had to drive through Wyoming? No? Then shut the fuck up. In between those two trips we will do the tracking for Fuckin' Totally.

Now, once again, I will leave you with another series of quality jams.

Step to Tim Dog and get FUCKED UP.

We played a show at Cap's last weekend. It looked like this:

Hollie took these. Thanks Hollie.

We're playing this show on Valentine's Day. Adam got us all in big trouble with our SO's for volunteering us to play it. But it's for a good cause, so I guess it's nearly as good as us buying them puppies or something. We'll be playing a short set of songs from Factory Records artists (OMG!!!!!1 Including that one song from Marie Antoinette!!!11)

Doing the poster for the CD Release Show on Monday. I'll probably throw that up here afterwards.

Hey, we have a Facebook group now, because MySpace is for little-ass kids.

Now, as a tip of the had to Vancouver, BC's excellent Ladyhawk, I'm going to leave you with a series of quality jams. Get into them.

Fuck you, I'm eating.

Hey all,

Sorry this has been ignored for the last bit.

Anyway, we started of the year by playing two house shows with Crossfox. Both shows were great fun.

Special mention must go to the Bellingham show we played at Friendship City. I can say for all of this that this was one of the best shows we've played in Bellingham in quite a while. Probably our best since becoming a four piece. Thanks to the fine folks at this home who let us be loud. Chris Vita from Crossfox took the live shot below:





The flier above is for our show next Saturday, the 31st, with Helms Alee. This is the new band fronted by Ben Verellen, formerly of the mighty Harkonen. Bradley Lockhart did the kick ass flier.

This show will also be our Bellingham release show for Real Size Monster Series, as we should be getting the finished product on Monday. Some other release shows are listed on our 'space calendar.

Okay, that's it for now.

-Chris